I've been writing and re-writing this post in my head for a good eight months. I love the blogging community and the people I have met through blogging and the constant source of inspiration that blogland is. I love that my blog has motivated me to sew my butt off for the last twenty two months and create things I never dreamed I was capable of making. But I am really struggling with blogging right now.
Here's the thing... My blog has become a chore. It causes a lot of stress for me. This is not my job. This is my hobby. It's supposed to be fun. And since it no longer is, I need to make a change. I took an unofficial step back from the blog in January, but I am now officially taking a significant step back. I'm not closing the doors completely, but I am no longer going to stress about writing posts or coming up with the next amazing project or staying up all night to get a tutorial put together. This is a bit of a selfish post... I am writing this post for me. 99% of you probably haven't noticed that I took a step back six months ago... everyone has their own life/stuff/blog to worry about. But I feel like I need to write this post to give myself permission to let it go.
The root of the problem is that I spend more time working on my blog than creating things. I feel like the blogging and networking is taking all of my creative time (and energy). What little time I do have just for me ends up being spent on all the bloggy stuff, not making stuff. The reason I started this blog almost two years ago was to motivate myself to carve out some creative time just for me. That's no longer happening. I've really been wondering why am I doing all of this? Why does it matter? When I came back from SNAP, I felt like there was something wrong with me. Don't get me wrong... I had a fantastic time, and I'd go again in a heartbeat, but there are so many bloggers who want to make a living blogging and have (or want to have) two or three blogs going at once and assistants and babysitters so they can blog and on and on. I'm not interested in that. There's so much I want to do. So many things I want to sew. So many quilts I want to make. I think I eventually want to try my hand at selling things that I make. I'd like to be able to spend my time on these things. This would make me happy.
In addition to no longer having the creative time I'd like, my family has had to take a backseat to the blog on many occasions, and I've been struggling with a lot of guilt about this. My oldest was thrilled when I told her I wasn't going to be blogging as much because I'd be able to "play with her more". Everything became crystal clear to me recently... I just threw my oldest daughter her very first "friend" birthday party. Initially I started getting wrapped up in the party and finally came to the realization that I wasn't planning this party for my daughter - I was planning it for me. She didn't care about any of the decorations or the food presentation. She just wanted her friends and a pinata. So I stopped stressing about the party. I decided I wasn't going to blog about it. I decided that blogging the party takes the fun out of it for me. Staging everything to perfection is a killjoy. I've ruined the enjoyment of many a birthday up until this point because I was more worried about getting great pictures for the blog than the actual celebration itself. And you know what? It was the most relaxing, enjoyable birthday party we have had so far. This is how life should be lived, and this is how I'm going to start living it.
So... Thank you for reading. Thank you for being supportive. I have said it many times, and I'll say it again... I truly believe that I have some of the most loyal and supportive followers in blogland, and I am forever grateful. Things may change in the future. I may decide to start blogging regularly again at some point, but now is not the time for me. I'm going to spend the summer soaking up every minute with my oldest before she starts Kindergarten in the fall. I'm going to spend the summer breathing in every second of my two and a half year old's final months of chubby, lovable toddlerhood. I'm going to sit on the couch with my husband and enjoy the few hours I get with him at the end of each day. Because that's what life is all about. And I'm going to play with my children... and try to find some time to sew here and there :)
This isn't good-bye... I'll still be around. And I'll still be posting when I can. See you later...